do we ever really get over the first impressions we have of people?

i don’t know. i don’t think so. yet sometimes i think we do.

i used to be a very firm believer that first impressions were a nonsensical concept that adults would emphasise the importance of for the sake of encouraging good behaviour from young people in interviews and professional environments or whatever. but lately, i am starting to believe in the importance of first impressions more than ever because i think that the first ever judgement you make of someone will always remain in your understanding of them. this isn’t to say that people can never overcome these first impressions or that people cannot redeem themselves from a possible bad one or completely change a good one. but i do believe that what you make of someone when you first meet them will always interfere with your expectations of them.

this may be a very pessimistic view of humans as it sounds like i am denying the possibility of change in people. however, i think the first time you encounter someone, you immediately judge them. not necessarily in a bad or hyper-critical way. you just judge them. we sense vibes, we try to understand who they are, maybe what religion they are, what “aesthetic” do they give off? are they a type a or type b kind of person? where are they from? what accent do they have? and we naturally make all of these assumptions with purely curious intent. are they someone you want to have in your social circle? or do they give you weird vibes? it’s all an innate survival technique. we gather all of these questions in attempt to develop our own understandings of other people to ultimately answer the question, “do we feel safe around them?” this is perhaps why we try to guess what “aesthetic” people have. if they listen to the same music as you, or dress like you, or speak like you, it may indicate that they are someone that you can be around because they are like you. familiarity always signals security. but the unknown causes confusion which breeds fear. it’s scary because it’s unpredictable. but this may provoke interest. we sense something that we may never have come across. perhaps they put ketchup on their ice cream. what the hell? that’s so weird, you’ve never seen anybody do that before. where did they pick up this habit? and that sparks curiosity. you want to get to know them and what could have possibly lead them to form such an unusual food combination. and that sets the precedent of what you expect from that person from that point onwards. you will be unfazed when they pair pickles with donuts as this first impression has now created the idea you have of them in your head. the person who eats really weird food combos. and i think that will always stick. you will expect nothing less of them. 

on the other hand, it is very common for friendships to start with the phrase “when i first met you, i thought you were really mean.” and it is even more common for these friendships to have not lasted because that first impression was lived up to at some point later down the line. however, when understanding whether or not “bad” first impressions can be conquered, it depends on what is expected from that person because it will determine if it can be altered. if somebody was directly rude to you the first time you met but you became friends and tried to forget about that unpleasant encounter, you will probably end up let down. because that was a fragment of who they are and how they made you feel in that state. so, if this is ignored, it is almost definitely going to show up again to shock you in the future. i feel as though that sounded rather confusing. for example, a woman serves you coffee everyday at your local cafe and one day, she is replaced with a woman around your age who has quite the resting… rude face. you are initially offended but don’t say anything and the next few times she starts smiling, then you start engaging in small-talk and all of a sudden you are comfortable enough to let her know that at first you thought she was rude and that she didn’t like you. but she says that she is in fact not rude but just shy which evokes a rather unpleasant expression on her face a lot of the time. that explains everything. she wasn’t rude, just shy. then this expectation seems to have vanished. how could you ever think that such a, now, lovely woman would ever hurt a fly? soon enough, you guys exchange numbers and go out together. you begin spending more time together and become somewhat closer. until on one occasion, she says something that really hurt your feelings. maybe she had a horrible scowl on her face when she said it which really offended you. and all of a sudden, she is that rude barista from the very first time you met. naturally, that expectation of her resurfaces. you always knew she was rude. now you’ve seen her true colours. this is all evidence that the first impression never went away. you always had this underlying expectation of her to be rude at some point. this doesn’t necessarily mean you were waiting for her to be rude to you, but that this preconceived understanding you had of her was always lingering. perhaps this is bringing about the question of “can you really forgive if you don’t forget?” which is definitely a topic for another day. but if someone offended you once, especially if it was the very first time you met them, and you remember it, will they ever be able to fully erase that perception you have of them?

no matter whether people manage to totally change how you perceived them on the very first time you met them, it will always leave a mark on your relationship. this does not always have to be a bad thing though. it can be a strength. it can be something that you both laugh about later on about how you never expected to become friends with someone who’s dirty look could ruin your entire day. but it can only be a strength if you are okay with it. if you are okay with that one-off occasion that they really annoyed you with their blunt replies or impolite mannerisms. if you were to ignore it and pretend like it never happened under the illusion of their new, nice behaviour. because everyone has off days. everyone has days where they are horrible to the people that matter most to them because they had an argument with a friend or a sibling or whatever. but ignoring these core aspects of people is nothing but harmful because the only way to truly understand someone and cherish the relationship you have with them is to accept their flaws. i think the toxicity in relationships typically comes about when one is living in limerence, when you are consumed with fantasies about this person that don’t reflect them as a whole, but only the parts you like. because first impressions are a weird thing. they set the scene for the behaviour you expect from them and will always be a reminder when they act in accordance to the first encounter you had with them. 

this also ties into categorising people. this is, i guess, why people are always encouraged to look presentable and be polite during interviews. because when you see someone, you immediately make judgements and categorise them as a certain type of person based off the understanding you gained of them the first time you met. if someone turned up to a job interview very organised, punctual, dressed smartly and fit all the expectations of what the job requires in comparison to somebody that showed up late with a coffee stain on their shirt, the interviewer is likely going to make the judgement that the former individual is more eligible for the job than the latter. this does not mean that the interviewer was correct as the second individual may have just had a very bad day which led to them being incredibly unprepared for the interview but in hindsight, they would have actually been perfect for the job. but the first judgement that was made was that they were incredibly unorganised and appeared to be a rather messy individual. therefore, that first impression leaves a mark and that will be what the interviewer always remembers of them. so, although it may not be accurate, it is definitive. 

overall, i don’t think we entirely get over the first impressions we have of people because it will always leave a scar. there will very likely be something that someone does to reminds you of the first time that you met because humans are multifaceted. even if the first opinion you had of someone was awful but they turned out to be a very nice person, whenever they show signs of that awful being they initially presented to you, you will return to that first impression. the strength it holds, though, is always down to how it is perceived. maybe the rudeness you saw in them on the first meet was what drew you in. it made you laugh. their boldness attracted you. but if it put you off, and annoyed you, it’s likely to annoy you again when they behave in that way in the future. 

was that a whole lot of nothing?

i guess it’s what you make of it.

15.06.2026